waving HI!

So I'm posting now.  I'm so sorry that I left some of you wondering whether I was okay.  I said I was going to post once a month, and I have definitely not done that.

That said -- I am okay.  I am more than okay.  The reason that you haven't heard from me is that I entered a doctoral program.  My business held steady with its part-time obligations, and I took on a second part-time job.  So... if I'm not working, or doing business stuff, I'm reading or writing papers or attending classes.  And if I'm not doing any of those things, I'm trying to get some quality time with Gerard or even one of my friends.

Gerard and I are doing really well.  I can't say that we *never* fight anymore, but we have really made major strides.  Fighting is not an issue for us anymore.  Commitment is also not an issue for us anymore.  We are both here, we know we love each other, and we know we want to spend the rest of our lives together and have a baby and all that mushy stuff.  I'm thrilled, actually, that we went through so many hard times together.  I think we needed to learn what it would look like between us if it got bad.  So we know that we could go there again, if life gets really stressful or something -- as it surely will at some points.  So anyway, the point is that we couldn't be happier with each other.

I am still occasionally dating women, which Gerard still heartily encourages.  I hooked up with my best friend a few months ago, while Gerard watched, which was pretty awesome.  If I wasn't so busy I would totally have written about it here.  Maybe she will write about it on her blog some day (some of you know where that is).  I also have a date tomorrow night with a woman who came across my online dating-women profile.  I am quite excited for that.

The last thing that I wanted to mention, since I have so often written about it here, is my health.  I seem to have turned a corner with my GI troubles.  Gerard has started making me green smoothies every morning, and they have pretty much obliterated my typical digestion disturbance pattern.  I'm also starting to go off the anti-depressants that I started taking around this time last year, though I'm keeping some meds on hand for insomnia.  And I still have that stupid eczema (how does that thing just start one day all of a sudden when I never had it for the first 30 years of my life?), but that's more of an annoyance than a health concern.

So in other words, all is well.  I'm really happy to be busy, and I'm loving school.  I'm loving my business, and I'm loving the security that the part-time job gives me.  I'm madly in love with Gerard, and I'm madly in love with life.

xx

girls, girls, girls

So I'm investigating my lesbian side again.  Gerard and I have gone back and forth on this a bit, but in the end I made a profile on a dating site that welcomes casual encounters and thereby opened myself up to casual affairs with women.  And other avenues might be opening soon as well.

Over the years, I've gone back and forth about whether I should identify as bisexual or not.  For a while, I thought not.  Before Gerard and I met, I had had sex with two women, but both experiences were part of a threesome in which the women's husbands were also present and part of the encounter.  I have also had some sexually intimate experiences with my female best friend, but those felt playful and exploratory, grounded in our love as friends more than anything, erotic as they were.  I do remember getting a little thrill when I went to the doctor and checked off the box for both "men" and "women" when they asked me who I have sex with... but I held back from really identifying as bisexual.

Part of the reason for that is that I felt that I didn't have a right to claim myself as a part of the LGBTQ community... I guess because I had never really considered pursuing a woman as a life partner.  I have all the societal privileges of being a straight girl, and I don't think I am attracted enough to women in general to give that up.  It just didn't seem right to pretend to be part of this group if I was never going to have to go through the challenges that are inherent to living a public alternative lifestyle.

It was Gerard who really changed my mind about this.  He just loves that I have a history that includes encounters with women, and that I talk with him about women that I find attractive or sexy.  Eventually he started encouraging me to seek out casual dating and sex with women.  After an amazingly sexy one-time experience with a woman a little over a year ago, I saw that I had more flexibility than I thought I had.

I still feel restraints from my hetero-normative privilege, though they started to seem less central to my argument against the term "bisexual."  There were other arguments that seemed more salient, but they were starting to dissipate fast starting a few months ago.  "But," I had argued to myself, Gerard, or my best friend, "I don't really like giving oral sex to women, at least so far... I don't crave it or wish for it."  The counter-argument is that lots of straight people don't like giving oral sex, but they don't assume that they are gay.  "But," I argued again, "I seem to only be attracted to women who are dominant or who are comfortable assuming a more masculine role."  Again, I was reminded that plenty of people are only drawn to a certain "type," but that doesn't change their sexual orientation.

So then I realized that I was being pretty silly.  Yes, I am bisexual.

That eventually led me to my encounter earlier this year with the beautiful dominatrix.  I couldn't deny anything after that.  Nor could I deny how sad I was when she told me that she couldn't see me anymore, because she wanted to focus on finding a long-term partner instead of just fooling around.

I left the idea of pursuing women alone for a little while.  And then a few weeks ago I started my online profile, only available to other women who wanted to sleep with women.

Soon after that, I heard from my beautiful dominatrix.  She and I were getting together one night for drinks, to talk about something that seemed business-related.  But the meeting location changed from a bar to her apartment.  And then we were there alone, sitting on her couch, flirting.  She has a boyfriend now-- she's had one for several months.  And as we smiled at each other across her couch she let me know that she and her boyfriend had decided to "open things up."  She was available to play again.

We didn't go anywhere that night physically, because she had friends coming over, and they arrived right as I thought she was going to make a move.  But I left her apartment about an hour later feeling extremely amped up.  Her breasts were so beautiful... her legs... I don't think I have ever looked at a woman and responded in that way.  It made my head spin, to be honest.  I made it clear to her that I was interested in getting together again, and the ball is now firmly in her court.  I am still crossing my fingers that she will reach out and say that she's ready for me.

In the meanwhile, I do have a date tonight, with a woman that found me on the dating site.  I don't know what is in store... Despite my history with women (the breadth of which I am rather proud of) I've never been with a lesbian before-- they've all been straight or bisexual-identified.  From her pictures I can't tell anything about how physically attracted to her I will be, but I know that she sounds very interesting-- like someone I would want to be friends with.  And she pursued me... she said that she "enjoyed" my profile several times.  Since I go ahead and say that I am submissive on the profile, I think that might be a good sign.  So we will see what happens.

Gerard is thrilled about all of this.  In his fantasies, I hook up with a woman of a type that *he* would be attracted to-- young-looking, feminine, vulnerable, corruptible-- you know, like ME.  It's a little bit disappointing to him that the type of women that I seem to be most attracted to and compatible with are the ones who are more dominant and masculine.  (I haven't been involved with anyone who was masculine in appearance or general demeanor, but all the women I've explored with since Gerard has known me have enjoyed playing a more masculine role that bounces off of my extreme femininity.)  But since he's not along for the date anyway, he can change any details he wants in his fantasies.  And that seems to have a powerfully positive effect.

So, there you go.  I'll report back about my date, and hopefully have something to share about my dominatrix soon as well.  Girls, girls, girls.  What a fun diversion!

postponed

Well, I have been postponed by my would-be part-time casual mistress, perhaps forever.

I have to respect her for being honest with me, and for her reasons for backing away.  She said that even though she enjoys playing around, she's realized that her real goal is to have a long-term partner.  So because of that she's not sure how she feels about casual play anymore.  She's also in graduate school, and she has a lot on her plate right now.  She asked me if we could talk about it again in a month, giving her some time to figure out what she feels and wants.

So I totally get where she's coming from.  Don't we all want that kind of connection in our lives?  It's true that casual playing around can distract a person from the quest for an actual partner, and I would never want to deny her that.  But wow, am I disappointed.

She emailed me after that last meeting, you know, and said that there were a lot of things she was interested in doing with me.  Oral sex, she mentioned, and fucking me with her strap-on, and discipline-related stuff.  Being with her was so exhilarating; I was imagining what I would wear when next I saw her, and fantasizing about what she might want me to wear.  I didn't even try to imagine what it would be like to be fucked by her-- I was saving that until the moment when I could actually experience it and know.  I loved our age difference-- she's nine years older than me, just like Gerard-- and I loved our complementarity and the electric attraction between us.  I wanted to be with that a little bit longer.

In her most recent email, the one where she explained her need to table me for now, she asked me to go to her blog to read something she'd shared, and tell her what I thought of it.  The topic was something intellectual that we have in common, but it was all written on the blog that she uses for her professional dominatrix persona.  In other words, this intellectual, academic piece was surrounded by dominant fantasies and words and the general presence of her extremely attractive dominance.  Oh, and photos of her.  So even though I knew she was appealing to our intellectual connection rather than our D/s connection when she asked me to read and share my thoughts on her piece, I couldn't get through it.  It was too distracting, and maybe even a little bit painful, to be in that virtual environment.

I had this yearning, you see... I wanted to go to this part of my sexual self.  The bisexual part, and the submissive part.  I wanted to try it out again.  Gerard used to play the dominant role in my life a lot more, before he moved in and "us" got more complex and messy and emotional.  I thought if I experienced it with her for a little while, it would help me figure out just what I wanted with that kind of sex within my relationship.  My main relationship.

But anyway, I can't blame her for her choice.  I want her to be happy.  I don't know her that well, but I know that finding a long-term partner is more important than getting off with someone that you know will never be serious about you.  I'm crossing my fingers, though, that she wants a little bit of casual playtime now and then while she's on the road to finding her love.  And I told her that I want to stay in touch even if we never end up in her bed together again.  Sigh.

exploring

"You should come sit over here," she said, patting the bed.  She lives in a beautiful, well-kept studio apartment, and the bed was on the opposite side of the room from the couch, where I sat.  I stood up and walked over, sat where she had gestured.

She looked at me for a moment, then commented, "You said you were going to take off your top."

"Oh.  I did, yes."  I sat there for a moment, and then I grabbed my top and pulled it off quickly, dropped it in a pile on the arm of the couch.  I looked up at her, waiting to see what would come next.

I feel this jerkiness and lack of flow as I describe these events.  And I felt that in the moment, too, although it didn't feel as awkward as it now sounds.  I knew I wanted her, so I was propelled forward by my desire, and by the fact that there was no reason not to.  But it was kind of new for me.  Unfamiliar.  I'd never had this kind of rapid meeting and ending up in bed before.  And I'm still pretty inexperienced with women.  And I haven't explored more than Gerard and I's fairly tame version of dominance and submission in years-- but here I was with an experienced dominatrix who wanted to have her way with me.

She stood in front of me and smiled broadly, but not at me.  It was more private, as if she had her own personal joke that I wasn't in on, as if I wouldn't be able to understand it if she told me what it was anyway.  She pushed me back onto the bed, and then climbed on top of me so that she was straddling my waist.  She pinned my wrists over my head and, from her overhead position, regarded me thoughtfully.

She pulled my arms down to my sides then, and pinned my wrists under her knees.  That was the moment when I was reminded that she is experienced and skilled-- I have been pinned down in painful ways more times than I can remember, but this particular method of restraint was entirely comfortable.  I didn't even wonder if I would eventually lose feeling in my wrists, because I knew I wouldn't.

It's hard to tell the story in a linear way after that, because I really let go and just experienced it.  I know that she went quickly to my breasts, grabbing them and pinching my nipples, enjoying my sighs and yelps.  I know that she put her hands on my neck, and I know that she tapped my cheek with that in-between level of force that isn't quite a slap but would be with just a little more energy in it.  I remember gazing up at her face, admiring her until she told me that it wasn't polite to stare.

One of my favorite moments was the one when she moved to my side and grabbed me by my left elbow and left knee, then easily lifted me up on to her lap before flipping me over to my stomach.  Strength and confidence-- they just ooze out of her.  So hot.  By then my jeans were off, and she unclasped my bra once I was face-down, and later pulled my panties off too.  She ran her hands over my back, but paid most attention to my bottom, spanking and grabbing and generally exploring.

It was all teasing, really.  Just stimulating me ever so slightly, physically and mentally... she kept laughing, again like it was all a joke that I wasn't in on.  At one point she leaned down as if to kiss me, and then stopped just before our lips met.  I had that sweet feeling of yearning, where I wanted to feel her lips on mine so badly and yet was afraid to initiate.  Eventually I tried it ever so slightly... she let me kiss her lightly before pulling away and then coming close again.  She allowed the slightest little kisses.  I enjoyed the feeling of being deprived, of being subject to her limits, and of yearning and vulnerability.

She draped my beaded necklace into my mouth, and I felt the silliness of its presence there, but I soaked it up... like a very gentle type of erotic embarrassment.  I heard her doing something over my head-- she had me pinned in a different way now, such that I couldn't see anything that was going on.  It wasn't until much later, after she let me up, that I saw that she was wearing black latex gloves.  They were really striking in appearance.  With them on her hands, she began to explore my body more intimately.  She never exactly penetrated me, but she poked around quite a bit, making me feel objectified and incredibly aroused.

Oh, and she never let me come.  Just teasing.  The whole time.

Later, she told me that she'd been very close to getting her strap-on out of the closet.  We've decided to meet soon to discuss limits and desires.  Gerard says he's happy to be able to give me an adventure that fits into his comfort zone... we've also had a lot more sex since that night than we've had in quite some time.  So this seems to be working well for everyone.  I absolutely can't wait to see her again and explore some more.  How lucky am I to have a skilled, sexy, attractive dominant woman be into me, and a loving boyfriend who welcomes me to go out and explore?

a date

"I feel bad about Gerard-- canceling the original plan, you know, and excluding him."

"Oh, don't feel bad about that."  I waved my hand dismissively.  

"Well, I don't actually feel bad.  I just wanted to acknowledge him, say something to let you know I acknowledge him."

I laughed.  "He has no problem with it at all.  He likes it.  I never really explored anything with girls alone before I met him-- it's really only with his encouragement that I've started to realize that I'm bisexual."

"I don't really want to do the photo shoot anymore," she said, "That was sort of an excuse... to get us talking.  I used to use photo shoots as an excuse to play with people, back when I was in a relationship and I wasn't really allowed to play with people but I was allowed to have photo shoots."

"Well," I said, emboldened by wine, "you really don't need an excuse with me."

***

She and I just have a sexual connection.  We met through a mutual friend... a friend of mine who is kinky and who frequents local BDSM events.  The two of them met in that scene, and then she and I met at a party he hosted.  My eye had been drawn to her as soon as she walked into the room.  I thought she looked perfect... beautiful, fit, confident, sexy.  Later, she asked our mutual friend for a picture of me.  The next time I saw her, she admitted that she'd wanted the picture as an aid to fantasizing during masturbation.  I was more than intrigued.

Gerard isn't attracted to her, which amazes me since her physical appearance is completely his type, and beautiful.  But I think it's just because she's so dominant... he's attracted to vulnerable, submissive girls like me, and she's probably the opposite of that.  So even though Gerard would love for us to get involved with a third person together, he's happy to let me go off alone with her.  He imagined that I might have some submissive fantasies fulfilled with her-- the ones that go farther than what he's interested in.  And I've imagined that too.  She's worked as a professional domine, after all, in addition to being dominant in her private life as well.  How could my fantasies not run wild?

In the week before I met her for a drink, I had three or four sexy dreams about her.  And when we were there in the bar, sitting next to each other, after we'd discussed the non-kinky subjects that we had in common for half an hour or so, I got what I thought of as confirmation of our complementarity.  I mean, I'd been thrilled to come meet her.  She'd made it clear that she was interested in me, and that alone was exciting.  But then she started to talk in more detail about her kinky interests.

I already knew that one of the big things that she is into is the feminization of men.  I don't have any real connection with that kink... in fact, I know very little about it.  But she mentioned that her "twink" had recommended the bar that we were sitting in.  "What's a twink?" I asked.  She explained: it's a man who is interested in allowing her to feminize him-- to make him wear high heels, stockings, panties, and eventually to let her fuck him with her strap-on.  She told me that she'd always been into more feminine men, and that she just loves to dress them up.  

"How is it different with women, then?" I asked.

"It's not really different," she told me.  "I like to do the same things to girls... I like them in the same stockings and panties, really.  I've got this thing for objectification... it's just really arousing for me.  And I like very feminine women, just like I go for feminine-- or gender-neutral-- men."

I laughed.  I couldn't help it.  It's so funny to me how our instincts draw us to people who match us.  Objectification of femininity has got to be one of the main themes of my fantasies.  I shouldn't have been surprised that it was her fantasy too.  Plus, I know that I'm extremely feminine, and it was exciting to know that I fit her desires.  I felt my panties getting a little bit damp as she talked about it.  The idea of being alone with her was so exciting-- and strangely not intimidating, even though I've had very few experiences with women and zero experiences alone with an experienced dominant.  

I let my interest in her be clear.  I don't think of myself as being any good at flirting, so I stumbled through it.  It was probably an odd combination, my usual nonverbal, mostly-inadvertent cues with my very direct blurtings about how compelling and sexy I found her.

Foreign forwardness aside, I think it's fair for me to make this judgment: Flirting with a woman is so different than flirting with a man.  Most notably because I had to try a lot harder.  I still felt like my girly and submissive self, even though I had to initiate a lot more, and put myself out there a lot more than I've ever needed to do with a man.  She kept calling me on my inadvertent flirtatious behaviors-- the subtle batting of my eyelashes, the way I touched my hair.  But I was direct, too.  I told her outright that I'd had sexy dreams about her, and I made it clear that I wanted to be alone with her, although these revelations didn't make her jump to her feet and try to rush me off to her bed, as I know a man would have done.  Also, I kept waiting for her to touch me.  With men, it's so easy.  They're always dying to touch you, and they always initiate touch quickly.  Not so with her.  In fact, she told me there was no assurance she would ever touch me at all.

"If we go back to my apartment, will you take off your top?" she asked at last.

I didn't hesitate (and by the way, this is so unlike me).  "Sure."

"Do you need another drink?"

"No."

"Well, then let's go."

histories

It's weird for me to think that Gerard and I have been together for almost two and a half years now.  We've definitely passed the point of "significant life investment."  In fact, I feel us moving to more and more official, grounded commitment.  It's scary for both of us, but it's feeling less scary lately.  And I've finally realized that, for Gerard and I, this is a pretty fucking big deal.

We both have big histories, relationship-wise.  In a way, it's kind of odd that neither of us has already been married, because we're both romantics, and we both place a high value on love relationships and falling in love.  We've both had passionate love affairs in our past... long relationships and big commitments... major life steps taken while holding the hand of another (at-the-time) treasured person.

We've both lived with other partners in the past.  I've lived with two other men, Gerard has shared an address with three other women, plus several who traveled around with him for various periods of time while he was living in a camper van in Australia.  We've both thought, in the past, that we had met the person we were going to make the lifetime go with.  I've been engaged twice, and Gerard bought a condo with his most recent ex before me.

That's our respective relationship histories, of course.  We also each have pretty extensive sexual histories.  My history includes several threesomes with married couples and male friends of boyfriends, plus a couple encounters with girls.  Most significantly, I spent a year and a half living as the submissive pet of a dominant couple, which led me to all kinds of crazy sexual adventures.  Gerard's history isn't so kinky, but he eclipses me with his sheer quantity of past escapades.  It seems that his sweet, unassuming charm has never failed him with getting a woman into bed, whether that meant a quickie in the restroom at a wedding reception or a week in the back of his camper van.  In a way, Gerard feels to me like a mythical kind of man, the kind that I never thought I'd actually know personally-- like a character in a Hugh Grant film or something.  But then again, maybe I too have some kind of crazy archetype that could be assigned to me based on my sexual history.

When we first got together, I think we were both taken aback by the other.  Gerard didn't imagine that a girl like me would be satisfied being with one man... I didn't imagine that life with me could ever measure up to the romantic globe-skipping he'd done with all those flings of the past.  But we still each respected what the other brought to the table, and saw the ways that our pasts molded us into a person that the other could fall in love with.  And gradually we realized that we were looking for the same thing: a stable, passionate love relationship with one permanent partner.  Our histories didn't change that-- it just showed how much we were both willing, throughout our pasts, to explore and forage for new experiences on our paths of self- and other-discovery.

And now, after two and a half years together and nine months living together, the histories aren't so important anymore.  Maybe some of that is feeling the weight of our history, and what we have created together.  I mean, it's not all that much in terms of time... but the amount of investment we've made in each other in these two and a half years makes it feel like more.  The histories are still important... we each keep those volumes on our shelf, and we revere them-- but now we're fully invested in the the life's work that we're going to write together.  We're writing it every day, and every day the words flow with more ease and sincerity and promise.

considering open relationships

Over the holidays, Gerard and I had a chance to spend a lot of time with his sister and brother-in-law.  They've been married for five years, and they have a ten-month-old baby.  I really like both of them-- they are smart and thoughtful people, although certainly much more conservative than me.  They live in the suburbs, drive an SUV, shop at Walmart, and mainly socialize with the people in their culdesac.  They live in a bubble and they like it that way.

One day the four of us were driving together somewhere, and we were talking about marriage and relationships, and what it's like having a baby.  Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Gerard's brother-in-law commented, "Those people out there who think that they can have an 'open relationship' are completely fooling themselves.  That's just not the way that human beings are wired, and those types of relationships never work out."

He went on for a little while, and I was a bit shocked, listening to him.  I thought I let a decent amount of time pass before countering, "That's certainly not true. Lots of people have successful open relationships, and there's lots of evidence indicating that monogamy is not the 'natural state' for human beings."

"Like what?" he demanded, his voice gaining momentum and energy bordering on aggression.  "What specific research studies can you cite that have proven that monogamy isn't the natural state for humans?"

And so began a very interesting conversation.  Gerard's sister and brother-in-law were hell-bent on believing that monogamy is the only way to have a loving partnership.  I tried telling them about several couples that I know who have successful open marriages, and they reacted first with disbelief ("yeah, but how long have they been together?") and then with dismissal ("okay, maybe they've been married way longer than us, but that's still not that long and anyway that's not that many examples").  

An interesting element to their disbelief was that they imagined non-monogamous relationships as across-the-board betrayals.  I explained that, in healthy polyamorous relationships, the couple agrees to the terms, and that the primary relationship gets first priority.  This was very difficult for them to wrap their heads around.  Gerard's sister countered, "So if the wife didn't like one of the husband's other partners, she could say 'I want you to stop seeing her' and he would?"  I could tell that she was taken aback when I answered, "Yes, exactly."

They were also applying odd reasoning to the whole idea.  "By sleeping with other people, you're putting your family at risk because you could catch STD's."  It seemed like it was difficult for them to imagine that a person might apply the same principles that kept them safe during conventional dating (such as honest conversations, regular testing, and condoms) to their "piece on the side" relationships.

We went round and round for a while, and the discussion sort of ended at a draw.  Gerard's sister seemed to have a slightly wider perspective after hearing us out, but her husband was stubbornly holding his position.  He insisted that my experience is skewed because I live in a big city and that the rest of the world is much more conservative and similar to him than my "sample."  We let the topic go-- although later I did email them both a number of links to articles describing the research about monogamy (he did ask for it).  Neither of them replied.

It was sort of funny for Gerard and I to be championing open relationships together.  I would say that we don't have an open relationship, though I suppose that's somewhat debatable.  Gerard isn't allowed to pursue sexual relationships with other women, and I'm not allowed to pursue sexual relationships with other men.  However, I am allowed to pursue sexual relationships with women.  Twice since we met I have had encounters with women-- once with my best friend, and once with a girl I met on Craigslist for that express purpose.  

It's interesting to note that, in both cases, Gerard had some feelings of jealousy in addition to his arousal, even though the whole thing was his idea.  The sister and brother-in-law were using jealousy as evidence that human beings were intended for monogamy.  "Relationships are complex," I told them.  "I'm not saying that there is never jealousy.  The people who choose these types of relationships have to make the choice to address those feelings when they come up-- they don't ignore them or pretend not to have them.  These sorts of things can be fine when they're talked about and worked through."  I think that Gerard would say that his jealousy was not as strong as his arousal and motivation to see me sleep with women.  And though I don't have a secondary partner in my life right now, we both have positive associations with our experiences in the past, and Gerard would be thrilled if I were to find someone new to get involved with.

We've always talked about someday opening our relationship more.  I admit that I do like the idea that Gerard won't be the only man that I sleep with for the rest of my life, even if he becomes my husband and the father of my hypothetical baby.  And I like the idea of being secure enough in our bond that I'd be willing to let him have an encounter with another woman at some point.  Right now, I don't think we're being pulled in that direction-- but we're in agreement that we're open to going there one day.

I was disappointed by that conversation with Gerard's family.  It's hard to be reminded that there are such judgmental and closed-minded people in the world, and to realize that some of those judgmental and closed-minded people are actually lovely to be around most of the time!  Dan Savage often points out that it's our preoccupation with monogamy that contributes to many couples' struggles, and suggests that monogamy would actually be easier if we were willing to give ourselves credit for the hard work that it involves, to realize that it's okay and natural to be attracted to people besides our partners and to want to have sex with those people.  To empower ourselves in our choice: to pursue the ups and downs of polyamory or to work our way through monogamy, and to actively address the joys and pitfalls of whichever one we choose.

Here are some of the sources about non-monogamy research that I sent to the sister and brother-in-law:

Sex at Dawn

Seed Magazine's Sexy Beasts article

The Double Life of Woman (has some passing references to evolutionary theory)

Salon's interview with the author of Lust in Translation

The Guardian's interview with the author of Mating in Captivity